After a few days..

Hmph! Yea i couldn't write for a few days... why? just didn't feel like it. Yes i had things i wanted to write about but couldn't get myself to login and write.

I've figured

I have changed, I feel so.

The last one year has caused me to change... In good ways and in bad ways, but I'm hoping its all for the good by the end of everything. But one among a few things I'm not enjoying about myself anymore is the fact that I'm finding it hard to trust anyone at all. I'm almost being indifferent to everything and everyone..

No I'm not judgmental or even prejudiced... i just have no opinion anymore of a lot of people. In fact I'm finding it hard to come to conclusions about anyone. I figured its wrong to presume oneself to be good at figuring out other people. That isn't true... I don't think anyone can figure out anyone.. Human reactions are subject to circumstances and emotions and opinions. No one factor works alone, and it's highly dangerous and just as ridiculous to just presume that certain people will react in a certain way.

I think its ok to hate a person... I don't want to go biblical about it and look at the seven-deadly-sin-side of "hatred", but I'm of the opinion that hatred against a certain person should be purely based on the way he or she has behaved with you. not based on other people's experience or judgment of him or her. That's kinda unfair. Afterall, i won't behave to people I like in the same way as the people i dislike...?!

That's all i guess... This is something I can keep going on and on about but i don't feel like sitting here and typing it down. I'm wishing i could talk to someone instead, about his and get it all out of me. Or i had someone who could type it in here for me. 

I hate my laziness sometimes, it strikes at the wrong time.

Eva

Indifference

I sat searching for a few quotes in the morning... This one caught my thought and kept me thinking for long... 

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. 

J. K. Rowling

Leading to a search on "indifference quotes"

and thus another quote that caught my attention..

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. 

Elie Wiesel 

And indeed these two lines, I think are true... 

The lost lighter..

I frantically searched my table drawers... I remember keeping it there!

Mom didn't know it was a lighter.. i mean i think she didn't. She thought it was just a cute key chain shaped like a guitar out of my love for them, guitars and key-chains...

I hadn't looked for it in a long time.. thought it would be somewhere around, pushed under a pile of papers and loads of books on and around my table. I even searched the pocket on the case of my guitar. Which had been often a wonderful place to hide small stuff. Somehow no one ever checked their. But then this lighter was not to be hidden... everyone knew it was existed.. even if not as a lighter in identity.

My search was after and due to this new packet that my best friend got me... and i was eager to try it out... I'd heart a lot about it. Matchstick wasn't class enough sometimes. this was one of those times.

The search ended in me sitting on the floor ... with just the packet and no lighter.

I lay down on the floor.. it was cold in a very nice way. I like sleeping on the floor sometimes. Thinking back to things that happened today and stuff... I never came to know when i fell asleep. 

Now that wasn't a good thing, I had an assignment for Radio Class to be completed..! An hour later I woke up to the sound of raindrops falling against my window...

Hid the packets where i always hide them...

And ran downstairs to do my work.

The Radio Drama is yet to be done. Its 12:01 am ..

And the lighter is missing still...

A woman of No Importance

I feel weird..

there's a lot to write... but words don't come to me...

A lot to say...

I wish i hadn't gone back to check if there was anything..

It makes me want to curse..

and then there's a lot more to think...

How can one sound so indifferent...?

And the other so casual...?

And the third like nothing ever happened...?

And the fourth... well.. talks about dying.

I'm hungry.. but i don't feel like eating...

I'm drinking ... but i'm not thirsty... no not wine... plain water....

I'm watching but my eyes hurt...

I'm thinking but my head feels heavy... and so does my heart...

No im not sad... I'm just feeling weird...

and of course

un-important.

Today...

Fever :(

I hate fever...and i hate medicines....and i hate cough and cold...

However, I notice... my mom is sweeter to me when I've got fever. And i have to do lesser work...

Too bad I'm not patient enough to sit here and continue typing for a long time..  My nose isn't being very kind to me...

I came to send in the weekly report for class, but i did not do that and ended up writing this post instead..

I have to remember to do that tomorrow >yawns<

I'm out now!
Grin!

Random Thought...

Sometimes you just become a puppet in the hands of people...
No more to write..

On El Sari Rojo issue

Ridiculous! I thought when Headlines Today chose to take up the issue regarding this book titled 'El Sari Rojo' (The Red Sari), by Javier Moro... claimed to be based on the real life of Sonia Gandhi. 


While Headlines Today almost announced that Congress is intolerant towards Freedom of Expression, they forgot that this freedom does not entitle one to defame a person, especially someone of such huge political importance. A political citizen of the country.


Moreover, what's the big deal... I mean ok, so Moro thinks Sonia Ji had doubts when her mother asked her to return to Italy after her husbands death, she responded with a doubtful "I don't know"... So what? Its not easy to not be emotionally shattered in such situations as the death of one's husband... Any woman in her place would want to leave a place where she has no immediate relatives..


Hmm... Anyway, this strong and beautiful woman will definitely get her way through this..
But this does make me want to read that book... :D


Also, Suggested Reading(Not related to this post): Ayodhya 6 December 1992 - P.V Narsimha Rao

political space....

Its surprising to see how places like tea shops effectively function as "political spaces"... How?

I figured this out during my last few longer visits to the tea shop next to my institute. Here, I see, people... simple people, discussing day-to-day issues... 

People of different ages, from different stratas of society discussing a lot of things, forming opinions, debating, spreading and sharing information... all over a cup of tea.