Contemplation

I wish no one was here

Sometimes, I like being alone...

Left to be with myself,

to look into my own soul

To weigh my actions and thoughts

To count my own mistakes

To sing to myself a song that calms

my heart down when it aches...

To have a few moments of silence

or unaccompanied stroll..

To comfort and to strengthen

My weak and weary soul...

Some time to give to Him,

Whom I've known to be God

Since childhood, in times of need

The name I've called upon...

Some time away from my world

when in a confused state...

I need some time in solitude

to stop and contemplate...

Random Thought...

Sometimes you just become a puppet in the hands of people...
No more to write..

i miss my family :(

Mom's gone to delhi.. Dad's already there.. Neha's at the hostel...

I miss them :(

I feel alone...

Now, I know who's presence matters to me the most.. 

I've had times when my friends have gone against me.. when i lost people i loved... but all the while i could return home to my family .. my dad or mom or sister have always been there to listen to me ramble when I'm angry sad or frustrated or made sure to be the first ones to applaud me for something good.. or wish me before anyone else on my birthday each year or share my happiness...

They've been my best friends...

Okay, so now its me and Chester... he's foolishly roaming around outside chasing a cat on and off which seems to enjoy teasing chester.

...

Anjali is cynical about almost everything.. she talks like she knows everything...

She looks at everything in a very demeaning way... as if she knows much better...

She opened the newspaper today morning when all of us sat together in the common room at the hostel... 

There is this air of satisfaction and a sort of self-sufficiency about her... i observed almost staring at her... she was pretty yes... her eyebrows were the best thing on her face...  long..beautifully shaped in a perfect curve growing pointy and thin at the outer end...

I watched her turn the pages... the cynical expression was back again... it was a rare event if the expression wasn't on her face...

I wondered what she was thinking...

I heard a little "pffft..." escape her mouth, while she rolled her big eyes which returned back to the paper. "They write such silly stuff, why don't they write good stuff in here" she spoke... almost to herself.. 

quickly running through the rest of the paper, she took up the magazine section. Here she sharply criticized something about a model's dress not matching the way she'd done her hair.. I peeped at the paper... looked okay to me.. but maybe she knew better... but not wanting to make an obvious display of my almost negligible sense of what she called fashion sense... I said "who cares anyway... why don't you just let it be.." 

"hmm..." she replied...  and looked at me with that stupid expression again...

I winked and smiled... she smiled... and turned her face away.

----

All characters in the above post are fictitious, any resemblance whatsoever to living or dead people is purely co-incidental...

Grin!

Words... can hurt...

One should be careful while choosing words... Its easy to hurt others, sometimes without even knowing we did so.. And then once the damage is done, sorries won't be of much help... hurt is something that only time can heal..

When we speak, there are times when we direct our words in a way so as to show sarcasm or criticism. Now that, w'hen done for a positive reason is okay I feel, but if its done solely with the intention of hurting the other, it's not a very kind thing to do.

There are times also, when we say things in a way we think is 'hilarious'. Not realizing that what we find hilarious might be a topic of seriousness to the other person... or of deep emotional value. 

There are times also when we're with our close-close friends, that we throw in a comment  or a joke on a particular member of their family, there are chances that we do not see through our own foolishness in such a case... Everyone(almost) loves their family the most.

An insult, a joke, a sarcastic comment directed at a person in public or in front of a group of people, might satisfy you and get all the anger out of your system but... it makes you look like an aggressive idiot. Moreover, it might cause the person insulted to harbor deep disdain for you for the rest of eternity...

And then of course... nice words are always welcome by everyone... why spread bitterness.. if things are getting too irritating for you.. just learn how to ignore :P

Random..

I walked a long way.. a blue carpet adorned the wooden floor.

On one side were huge windows wit heavy bolts.. beautiful heavy brass bolts..

and on the other side was a white stainless wall..

I had these various emotions going on within me..

i couldn't understand any..

and then i reached this certain point where the carpet ended.. and there was just the floor...

not wooden anymore.. cold cemented floor..

and the windows.. smaller, but many...

and smaller bolts... small, iron bolts..

but the corridor seemed endless.. and on the other side, the wall turned a shade of grey... 

:)

Don't feel like posting for a while..
I have things to write.. but i'm just too lazy...
nothing special ..

Vagamon

Went to Vagamon with family for a couple of days.. an outing..

was a nice trip..

The high ranges here in Kerala are wonderful to travel ( if you're not prone to travelling sickness).. Also, one needs to have a good control on 'nature calls' especially if one's a girl.. there are no clean toilets to relieve oneself..

It gets slightly cold up there at this time of the year.. not like really cold but reasonably.. The fog's the best part.. feels nice :)

As you travel up, the path is full of hairpin curves (gave me a headache uphill).. and you feel like your ear gets plugged with something...

Thats' about it :)

Random Thoughts

1. Sometimes all you need to feel better, is a cup of coffee.

2. Small fishes kissed my feet when I put them into the pond

3. Cleaning the whole house is a good way of spending time productively, reduces frustration too..

4. Washing dishes helps you keep your nails clean.

5. Sometimes you're prejudiced about some people.. If you try spending time with them you might feel about them differently.

6. A whole day without internet is not as bad at I thought it was..

7. Crystal glasses look good in showcases (only if they're regularly cleaned)..

8. Safety Pins are a wonderful invention >> I searched wikipedia to know more
 (The origin of the safety pin dates back to the Mycenaeans during the 14th century BC (Late Mycenaean III era). They are known as fibulae (singular fibula) and were used in the same manner as modern day safety pins. In fact, the very first fibulae of the 14th and 13th centuries B.C. looked remarkably like the safety pin. The origin of the fibulae is detailed in Chr. Blinkenberg's 1926 book Fibules grecques et orientales.

The safety pin was reinvented by American inventor Walter Hunt, and patented in April, 1849. The rights to the invention were sold for $400.)

9. The peachish-colored fruit on top of a cashew nut tastes very funny. 

10. You should be careful while sweeping staircases..  There are high chances of slipping and breaking bones.

Dear Diary..

Psalms 55 Verse 6-

"And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest."

Got this verse, today while reading the Bible ..

Its everything I've been thinking..

No more to say .. or write...

Dear Diary..

Been busy this Holy Week with Church going and Choir practices..

Couldn't spare time to log in and write..

Easter's a nice feeling... Even chester looks happier than usual..

My assignments are all pending though.. I don't even know what to write..

And the radio interview still has a missing bit that i doubt I'll ever get. 

We bought two new Goldfishes for our little fish pond.. So, now there are a lot of tiny fishes, two big white fishes (the names of which i don't know) and two goldfishes(which looked mighty scared for the first day and now are ruling the little pond)

There's a miniature waterfall sort of a thing too in the middle, when the tiny fishes feel adventurous, they go and try to explore around it...

So, Happy Easter anyway :)

Evangeline

Silhouette..

It was almost 7 in the evening and Karen sat on the side of the window looking towards the busy street with slow moving traffic... It was drizzling slightly and the city looked damp and dreary. 

She'd been back from office early today and had placed herself at the same spot for about an hour and a half now..She'd been sitting there in her favorite grey t-shirt and a packet of cigarettes almost halfway through.. Her face showed no particular expression, it looked almost blank. Her curly hair looked unkempt and her eyes looked sad..

Her motionlessness, though, made her look feeling-less in a very tired sort of a way...

Karen's house was on the 8th floor, a three room apartment, barely furnished. She stayed here with her golden Labrador whom she called Spot. Karen had very few friends, mostly from work, but they were never with her beyond office hours. She did hang out with Aaron, but that had been only till last  night. 

She had no clue why he'd left all of a sudden, he'd blamed her of lying to him... she didn't remember doing so.. She'd made quite sure infact, that she never hid things from him.. she was sure he knew her, way too well .. she just couldn't figure out. She had tried calling him again and again and again... he answered once to tell her it was "over".

She felt helpless... But then she knew there was no use trying.. he did not appear interested in getting back together.. she pretended she enjoyed being alone.. the truth was that she felt lonely... her own mistakes were the cause she believed always but for this once...she had just no idea!

Spot lay at her feet .. She hadn't switched on the lights yet... the bright lights from the street lamps made only her silhouette visible from within the apartment..

She did wish he'd return..

She missed him, but then.. Que Sera Sera.

The cute dog :)

Here 's the pomeranian I was talking about...
cute cute cute!!!
fell in love with it..
Just loved its tail.. wags it so cutely!
The call it mickey :)

Today...

Okay so we visited St. Thomas Church (read the post under this to know more)...

The church is on top of  a hill, which you have to walk up... this hill is divided into 14 stations of the cross.

Climbing up that hill was torturous for the first three stations, beyond which.. I think we just get used to the climbing and continue.. though it appears slightly easier hereafter..

We were 5 people dad, mom, neha, me and dad's friend Tony. I was the first to reach the top (surprisingly),Tony bhayia followed... neha came panting up ( and asked tony bhayiya at every station "iniyum undo?!"

And then there's this rock that is claimed to have the footprints of St. Thomas, while people were looking at it, someone asked whose footprints these were, Neha chipped in.. "Mr. Thomas'...", causing people to glare at her and my mom to giggle( a bit harder than she usually does) ..

Returned to Tony bhaiyaa's place a few minutes back, and that's where I'm writing this post now...

That's almost it.. they have a really cute brown pomeranian here whose picture i shall put up in the next post perhaps.. 

Evangeline :)

Today

Just been lost.. nothing to write..

Almost feelingless..

I think things are falling into place slowly.. I'm hopeful..

On my way to Malayatoor, St. Thomas Church... with my family..

Read More about the church on Wikipedia 

When I told Anoop the same through sms, he sent me a message back asking "Oh! Prarthana margathileku thirinjo?!" ;) [translated: so...turning to prayer huh :P]

Image Courtesy: Wikipedia (St. Thomas Church)

...

Choices are difficult to make often

For some "shackles" cannot be broken..

Some promises cannot be fulfilled..

Dreams so oft forgotten.. killed..

Games played with moves crooked..

Words spoken for reasons wicked..

And oft we turn to the invisible power..

And pray to Him for un-lasting hours...

To save us from the "fowler's snare"..

Help us, our heavy cross to bear...

We think we've such faith in prayer

Each step yet take with doubt and care..

In vain, not knowing what is to be..

For future, we can't touch, hear or see...

-Evangeline

Do Fish Sleep?

I was watching the fish in my fish pond at home .. A question that's always kept me wondering is whether fish sleep or not. My mother told me once that she saw the goldfish in our pond almost leaning on the small pebbles we've put in it. I almost didn't believe her until today when i finally managed to give up laziness(:P) and do a search on the web for an answer.

I learnt that fish do sleep, but not quite like we humans do.. It's more like, they go into a "resting phase" with reduced activity of brain and body.. except sharks which have to keep moving to push water through their mouths in order to breathe..

Now let's not give my fingers all that exercise with so much typing(:P), Here's a few links you could check for the answer:

1. Big Question: Wordpress

2. Ask a scientist

3. Discoverymagazine 

4. Lifeslittlemysteries

Dear Diary..

It's difficult.. you won't understand ..
Why I'm stuck here I can't figure out...
It feels silly today..
I wish things would sort out themselves..
I wish I could explain..
There's so much to explain.. so much to tell, I just don't know where to start or where to end..
I'm confused in my own head..
But then there's no point explaining..
For a first, you won't listen..
And then.. erm.. Its just a lot..

But i should let you know..
It was something I cherished. Something I will always.

Dear Diary..

I swear in my heart i try and try..
But within myself I constantly die..
you care not.. you wouldn't know..
But you shall reap.. what you did sow..
And when one day you shall weep..
your deeds, in kind when you shall reap..
You'll remember all you did to me..
And cry each tear you didn't see..


----
I hate today..
----

He regrets, throwing the stick into the pond...
I come to know of it today.

---

Evangeline.

Dear Diary..

It was mostly a boring day today.. and since GK went back and joined office, the only time throughout the day  I used to look forward to is finally over..

Hung around the press club after class .. sulking..

Its wonderful how simple acts can make people important in one's life.

And then there are these others who just screw up a relationship you so wanted. Make fun of the way you felt for them and make you look like a cheap fool.

Its surprising how different people have different opinions about the same person. Its all about perception then isn't it.. No matter what you do .. some people just like you.. and no matter what you do .. some people just hate you..

And i don't have any particular liking for people who hate me :P their bad.. :D

I painted all nails on my left hand in diff colors today.. Here's a pic :D you can't see the thumb in this it's a shade of silver..

Now that took care of my boredom for a while.. as i cheerfully walked around, showing it off to everyone i came across.. Of course you can guess what reactions i got.. but I'm keeping this till the paint wears off :D

Also, today Anas lost his phone on the train.. He told me he was going to run away from home because he was scared to go and tell them this back home.. But then i think he went home..

I miss Neha so much ... 

Papa's about to come home this week..

I'm waiting eagerly...