Contemplation

I wish no one was here

Sometimes, I like being alone...

Left to be with myself,

to look into my own soul

To weigh my actions and thoughts

To count my own mistakes

To sing to myself a song that calms

my heart down when it aches...

To have a few moments of silence

or unaccompanied stroll..

To comfort and to strengthen

My weak and weary soul...

Some time to give to Him,

Whom I've known to be God

Since childhood, in times of need

The name I've called upon...

Some time away from my world

when in a confused state...

I need some time in solitude

to stop and contemplate...

Id, Ego and Superego

Id seeks pleasure, Ego causes us to reason and judge a situation with consideration to the consequences of our actions.. Superego is where a particular action is decided to be good or bad, that part of 'personality' that is inherited from parents and affected by society.

Now why did I write this just now? Apart from the fact that i understood this very recently, I've been trying to figure out these three working while I respond to a certain thing.
Id is usually like this strong fellow who wants so many bad things, like a bully .. It is this Id that comes to conflict against the good fellows, Ego and superego...

>>>(I'll write more later, I'm sitting in the press club library and this system doesn't have any formatting buttons... pfff... kills the mood to write..!)

Love the way you lie

I liked this song a lot.... I've been listening to this on repeat..
I love this place where he says "that's why they call it window pane"
and "next time there will be no next time"

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie...

inside my head

"I wish he'd die! " I said inside my head, as I sat with my face buried in my hands...

No matter how much I tried I couldn't stop myself from hating him. He was beyond all sympathy or consideration... let alone the love he thought i should still have for him.

writing again

And things are changing fast.. With a few more days to go..

I'm nervous, I'm worried about the practicals i have to submit at the institute...

A certain someone's making my life hell with repeated messages and calls..

I wonder if this blog will still be evaluated.. I miss writing in here.. but i don't feel like writing a lot anymore anyway..

Imho.. its a very sad thing that one cannot change the blog name without losing one's followers :( snif sniff !!

I feel like writing a letter to someone ... like a handwritten letter- snail mail...

Ichayan's gone out for a movie, he wont be back till late. 

Im not sleepy :(

Mom and dad were mad at each other today over something very silly. Sometimes they act like stubborn kids..!

Ingenuity of forwarded sms

I got this as a forwarded message on my phone today. I forwarded it to a few people and then something in my head made me google it up.. this story has various versions.. Palestinian  and Israeli more commonly...

Here's the message.. (And links to the other stories at the end)

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought,

What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.

'And they say Kashmir belongs to them"

http://lwtc247.wordpress.com/2009/02/16/an-ingenious-example-of-speech-and-politics/

http://lifeisreallybeautiful.com/wisdom-nuggets/ingenuity-of-speech/ 

Wafers...

Do you like wafers?

I love them... wafer chocolates, wafer buscuits... 

And i like eating it layer by layer... so unaffected particularly by people watching me, I indulge in careful separation of these wafer layers...

also not very bothered about the chocolate all over my fingers if they're wafer chocolates.. 

I've been weirder.. I don't mind licking the chocolate off the wrapper if it melts... :D without caring who's watching :D

Wanting to die.....

I was searching for "Best ways to (something) .." on Google just now and scrolled down through the result, is when i came across this link > http://www.mouchette.org/suicide/answers.php3

You should read through, its just a sad sad thing how a 13 year old child is asking ways to kill him/herself on a forum and people around the world are acting smart and telling him/her ways to do so. Except for the top most reply by this lady named nicki posted on 2nd June 2010... A mother of three children, i think  only she gave a good reply to the question...

I miss my Sis...

Neha, you're one of my fav. people in the whole wide world no matter how crazy n stupid n irritating u are sometimes.

And when you're away, it's like a part of me is away, but then when you come back home you're crazy n irritating again..

I love you so so so much, and i miss having you here, there's so much i have to tell you, i miss my best friend which you always have been.

After a few days..

Hmph! Yea i couldn't write for a few days... why? just didn't feel like it. Yes i had things i wanted to write about but couldn't get myself to login and write.

I've figured

I have changed, I feel so.

The last one year has caused me to change... In good ways and in bad ways, but I'm hoping its all for the good by the end of everything. But one among a few things I'm not enjoying about myself anymore is the fact that I'm finding it hard to trust anyone at all. I'm almost being indifferent to everything and everyone..

No I'm not judgmental or even prejudiced... i just have no opinion anymore of a lot of people. In fact I'm finding it hard to come to conclusions about anyone. I figured its wrong to presume oneself to be good at figuring out other people. That isn't true... I don't think anyone can figure out anyone.. Human reactions are subject to circumstances and emotions and opinions. No one factor works alone, and it's highly dangerous and just as ridiculous to just presume that certain people will react in a certain way.

I think its ok to hate a person... I don't want to go biblical about it and look at the seven-deadly-sin-side of "hatred", but I'm of the opinion that hatred against a certain person should be purely based on the way he or she has behaved with you. not based on other people's experience or judgment of him or her. That's kinda unfair. Afterall, i won't behave to people I like in the same way as the people i dislike...?!

That's all i guess... This is something I can keep going on and on about but i don't feel like sitting here and typing it down. I'm wishing i could talk to someone instead, about his and get it all out of me. Or i had someone who could type it in here for me. 

I hate my laziness sometimes, it strikes at the wrong time.

Eva

Indifference

I sat searching for a few quotes in the morning... This one caught my thought and kept me thinking for long... 

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. 

J. K. Rowling

Leading to a search on "indifference quotes"

and thus another quote that caught my attention..

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. 

Elie Wiesel 

And indeed these two lines, I think are true... 

The lost lighter..

I frantically searched my table drawers... I remember keeping it there!

Mom didn't know it was a lighter.. i mean i think she didn't. She thought it was just a cute key chain shaped like a guitar out of my love for them, guitars and key-chains...

I hadn't looked for it in a long time.. thought it would be somewhere around, pushed under a pile of papers and loads of books on and around my table. I even searched the pocket on the case of my guitar. Which had been often a wonderful place to hide small stuff. Somehow no one ever checked their. But then this lighter was not to be hidden... everyone knew it was existed.. even if not as a lighter in identity.

My search was after and due to this new packet that my best friend got me... and i was eager to try it out... I'd heart a lot about it. Matchstick wasn't class enough sometimes. this was one of those times.

The search ended in me sitting on the floor ... with just the packet and no lighter.

I lay down on the floor.. it was cold in a very nice way. I like sleeping on the floor sometimes. Thinking back to things that happened today and stuff... I never came to know when i fell asleep. 

Now that wasn't a good thing, I had an assignment for Radio Class to be completed..! An hour later I woke up to the sound of raindrops falling against my window...

Hid the packets where i always hide them...

And ran downstairs to do my work.

The Radio Drama is yet to be done. Its 12:01 am ..

And the lighter is missing still...

A woman of No Importance

I feel weird..

there's a lot to write... but words don't come to me...

A lot to say...

I wish i hadn't gone back to check if there was anything..

It makes me want to curse..

and then there's a lot more to think...

How can one sound so indifferent...?

And the other so casual...?

And the third like nothing ever happened...?

And the fourth... well.. talks about dying.

I'm hungry.. but i don't feel like eating...

I'm drinking ... but i'm not thirsty... no not wine... plain water....

I'm watching but my eyes hurt...

I'm thinking but my head feels heavy... and so does my heart...

No im not sad... I'm just feeling weird...

and of course

un-important.

Today...

Fever :(

I hate fever...and i hate medicines....and i hate cough and cold...

However, I notice... my mom is sweeter to me when I've got fever. And i have to do lesser work...

Too bad I'm not patient enough to sit here and continue typing for a long time..  My nose isn't being very kind to me...

I came to send in the weekly report for class, but i did not do that and ended up writing this post instead..

I have to remember to do that tomorrow >yawns<

I'm out now!
Grin!

Random Thought...

Sometimes you just become a puppet in the hands of people...
No more to write..

On El Sari Rojo issue

Ridiculous! I thought when Headlines Today chose to take up the issue regarding this book titled 'El Sari Rojo' (The Red Sari), by Javier Moro... claimed to be based on the real life of Sonia Gandhi. 


While Headlines Today almost announced that Congress is intolerant towards Freedom of Expression, they forgot that this freedom does not entitle one to defame a person, especially someone of such huge political importance. A political citizen of the country.


Moreover, what's the big deal... I mean ok, so Moro thinks Sonia Ji had doubts when her mother asked her to return to Italy after her husbands death, she responded with a doubtful "I don't know"... So what? Its not easy to not be emotionally shattered in such situations as the death of one's husband... Any woman in her place would want to leave a place where she has no immediate relatives..


Hmm... Anyway, this strong and beautiful woman will definitely get her way through this..
But this does make me want to read that book... :D


Also, Suggested Reading(Not related to this post): Ayodhya 6 December 1992 - P.V Narsimha Rao

political space....

Its surprising to see how places like tea shops effectively function as "political spaces"... How?

I figured this out during my last few longer visits to the tea shop next to my institute. Here, I see, people... simple people, discussing day-to-day issues... 

People of different ages, from different stratas of society discussing a lot of things, forming opinions, debating, spreading and sharing information... all over a cup of tea.

drunk-en-ness

Being drunk is a good feeling.. not like dead drunk.. a very high "high"..

I don't know how to explain..  Its this feeling where nothing matters.. you dn't care about anything.. your fingers feel numb.. you smile at everything and everyone... all music sounds good(except Himmesh Reshamiya)...

Now Playing : Don't you cry - GNR
This is one of my fav. songs..
here's a part of the lyrics;

And please remember that I never lied

And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight..

There's a heaven above you baby

 ;)

Today...

Fuck! I said to myself... as the clothes fell from my cupboard.
last night I'd been looking for the old packet I'd hidden in the pocket of an old pair of jeans. This was done so my mom wouldn't find them during her occasional searches in my cupboard.
In my hurry ... i stuffed everything back in.. and left it like that.

I had arranged my cupboard just a few weeks back after a round of de-insect-ificaton of my room... all in vain.. re-arranging looked like a tiresome idea...
Moreover, I've been so busy(though not particularly with any one thing that i can point out..)
And so lost at times that i don't have work... I've borrowed a book from the library but I've been sitting on it for ages... obviously amounting to some fine.. and i have to remember to return it tomorrow...

So, back to the cupboard... since not re-arranging wasn't a choice... i sat and started folding every cloth again... which is when, out of the pocket of my favourite fabindia purple colored kurta came out a 50 rupee note :) Happiness!!!

i miss my family :(

Mom's gone to delhi.. Dad's already there.. Neha's at the hostel...

I miss them :(

I feel alone...

Now, I know who's presence matters to me the most.. 

I've had times when my friends have gone against me.. when i lost people i loved... but all the while i could return home to my family .. my dad or mom or sister have always been there to listen to me ramble when I'm angry sad or frustrated or made sure to be the first ones to applaud me for something good.. or wish me before anyone else on my birthday each year or share my happiness...

They've been my best friends...

Okay, so now its me and Chester... he's foolishly roaming around outside chasing a cat on and off which seems to enjoy teasing chester.

...

Anjali is cynical about almost everything.. she talks like she knows everything...

She looks at everything in a very demeaning way... as if she knows much better...

She opened the newspaper today morning when all of us sat together in the common room at the hostel... 

There is this air of satisfaction and a sort of self-sufficiency about her... i observed almost staring at her... she was pretty yes... her eyebrows were the best thing on her face...  long..beautifully shaped in a perfect curve growing pointy and thin at the outer end...

I watched her turn the pages... the cynical expression was back again... it was a rare event if the expression wasn't on her face...

I wondered what she was thinking...

I heard a little "pffft..." escape her mouth, while she rolled her big eyes which returned back to the paper. "They write such silly stuff, why don't they write good stuff in here" she spoke... almost to herself.. 

quickly running through the rest of the paper, she took up the magazine section. Here she sharply criticized something about a model's dress not matching the way she'd done her hair.. I peeped at the paper... looked okay to me.. but maybe she knew better... but not wanting to make an obvious display of my almost negligible sense of what she called fashion sense... I said "who cares anyway... why don't you just let it be.." 

"hmm..." she replied...  and looked at me with that stupid expression again...

I winked and smiled... she smiled... and turned her face away.

----

All characters in the above post are fictitious, any resemblance whatsoever to living or dead people is purely co-incidental...

Grin!

Words... can hurt...

One should be careful while choosing words... Its easy to hurt others, sometimes without even knowing we did so.. And then once the damage is done, sorries won't be of much help... hurt is something that only time can heal..

When we speak, there are times when we direct our words in a way so as to show sarcasm or criticism. Now that, w'hen done for a positive reason is okay I feel, but if its done solely with the intention of hurting the other, it's not a very kind thing to do.

There are times also, when we say things in a way we think is 'hilarious'. Not realizing that what we find hilarious might be a topic of seriousness to the other person... or of deep emotional value. 

There are times also when we're with our close-close friends, that we throw in a comment  or a joke on a particular member of their family, there are chances that we do not see through our own foolishness in such a case... Everyone(almost) loves their family the most.

An insult, a joke, a sarcastic comment directed at a person in public or in front of a group of people, might satisfy you and get all the anger out of your system but... it makes you look like an aggressive idiot. Moreover, it might cause the person insulted to harbor deep disdain for you for the rest of eternity...

And then of course... nice words are always welcome by everyone... why spread bitterness.. if things are getting too irritating for you.. just learn how to ignore :P

PacMan Google :P

Who hasn't played Pacman?
Its a game almost everyone is familiar with... With years we've seen pacman grow with newer version.. So google on the 301th Anniversary of this game chose to make its search page look like this

You push the "Insert Coin" button to play the game...

.......cute innit? (^.^)

Ridiculous Realities...

And after a ridiculously long list of ridiculous reality shows. the latest on NDTV Imagine has now come up with something they call "Desi Girl"

The show requires 8 mumbai-based babes(ahem...!) from the television industry to undergo a complete change in lifestyle.. from the urban to the rural... 

With tasks such as handling cow dung, catching chickens, bathing buffaloes... etc etc.. 

Here's an advertisement I came across while surfing the net today morning.. the one that made me write this post...

Yabadabadoooooooooooo!

here's the episode with the "Happy Anniversary" song.. i remember this tune and the song which i heard when i was a kid...! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knp9-GY6fHE&feature=related

I miss watching Flintstones :D

A bad day :P

Here's ten ways of how to make your day bad : ( :P)

1. Wake up late even when you know you have an important appointment early morning.

2. Booze the night before so that a terrible hang-over stays.

3. Rush to wherever you're supposed to reach and on the way abuse/yell at everyone and anything you see [e.g dog, newspaper, door-lock, shoe, guard, driver, a pedestrian etc.]

4. Get into a fight with a close friend for no reason.

5. Hold on to the grudge against her/him till the end of the day [why can't she/he come and apologize first... moreover it wasn't your fault anyway...]

6. Think highly of yourself but more importantly, think others are fools and everyone does everything aiming to irritate you...

7. Blame everyone else for everything bad happening to you, blame them even for your mistakes.

8. Be lazy... and drag-gy... and slouchy... and look tired...

9.  Start thinking you're life's such  a waste.. and that there is no hope and you're all alone and no one cares for you and no one wants you.. complain on how you don't feel like going home..

10. End up at home anyway and be grumpy about how bad the day was and continue abusing/yelling at the dog, Remote control, newspaper, people, bed, mosquitoes etc...

Fallen Leaves..

Fallen...
Dried up leaves...
Leaving...
Barren trees...
Turning...
Dry and brown...
Dying...
On the ground..
Crushed...
Under many feet..
Rushing..
Down the street...

Thought for the day...

No truth is the truth unless it is your truth. And when you urself decide to lie, no truth will save you."

~Swami Binu Narayan

My Special thanks to Swami Binu for introducing me to and enlightening me with this concept ;) with just two lines which set me thinking..

Well there wasn't much to think about... Its true.. like you've heard them wise men say "One man's truth is another man's lie..." likewise...

So, now the other half says if you decide to lie no truth can save you... That however.. i do not completely agree with(partly i do).. since the first line already makes "truth" very subjective in nature... i don't see how no "truth" can save you...

But then it is true still .. For whenever I've lied.. I know I'm done for, gets so messy and troublesome and so many lies just pile up on after the other.. and nothing except facing the truth and agreeing to it or confessing it gets me out of the whole bloody thing...

But again.. there have been times where I've told the truth and have been condemned of lying... with nothing to prove my part.. my opponent being someone good with words, someone convincing enough... in such cases I've figured, not reacting(just shutting up) and waiting for time to teach the other a lesson as he deserves, is the best thing to do..  not that i can do much otherwise anyway :P..

bell bajao

Seen the “bell bajao” advertisement ever while surfing through t.v. channels?

Bell bajao, according to me is this superb concept of curbing domestic violence… Though it has come to action only in places like Mumbai, I think it’s a good start…

Visit: http://bellbajao.org/

An NGO called breakthrough in 2008, started a campaign encouraging people to ring the doorbell of the house where one knew domestic violence was taking place…

So in a country like India that boasts of being on the path to development still has place for something as ugly as a man beating up a woman within the house just because he married her doesn’t sound very “developy” to me…

Now Mumbai isn’t the only place this is happening okay… it’s a commonplace occurrence in many parts of the country… these things don’t go unnoticed… people just pretend to not notice… 

Today...

I guess its easier to deal with people by just not minding them..

Mmm.. Some people are irritating… but then why let them irritate? :d

I love coffeeee… i think i can have coffee any time of the day.. 10:45 pm now and i’m happily sitting with a cup of it J reflecting on what my day was lie

Today was a good day right from the beginning.. Ofcourse no matter how much i hate it … reaching late to class has become an everyday thing with late train schedules ..

Nothing more to write.. I managed a poem at class today, will put it up tomorrow .. Left my notebook upstairs J

;D

Happiness comes to you when you stop pursuing it...

The moment you decide to stop running after it..

It starts following you…

In the most unexcpected ways and in bountiful measures it showers itself upon you

She threw the pen on the floor. It was impossible to write!

There was just too much going on inside her head..

If only she'd known this was where life was leading her to, she'd have never made those mistakes. She regretted all of it.. If only there were a rewind button for liFE...

Realization, when he comes,

Guilt with him he doth bring..

And makes one count one’s mistakes

Wrongdoings and everything

Like a black veil, from nowhere

Flies to come and cover the face

And one looks back, at one's own past

All but to know shame, disgrace!!

For over his shoulder, behind him

All he sees, teary-eyed...

What a fool he’d been throughout

Stolen, cheated and lied…

Random..

I walked a long way.. a blue carpet adorned the wooden floor.

On one side were huge windows wit heavy bolts.. beautiful heavy brass bolts..

and on the other side was a white stainless wall..

I had these various emotions going on within me..

i couldn't understand any..

and then i reached this certain point where the carpet ended.. and there was just the floor...

not wooden anymore.. cold cemented floor..

and the windows.. smaller, but many...

and smaller bolts... small, iron bolts..

but the corridor seemed endless.. and on the other side, the wall turned a shade of grey... 

:)

Don't feel like posting for a while..
I have things to write.. but i'm just too lazy...
nothing special ..

Dear Diary..

Today was a quiet day :)

holidays are nice...

And anyway I don't really feel like going there anymore .. 

Dad and neha'll leave tomorrow.. I'll start missing them again..

and by the time all four of us get together again, it'll be time for me to leave :(

I'm feeling a lot of different feelings at the same time..

I'm missing some people, I'm hating others, I'm angry with someone, I'm indifferent towards another.. I'm feeling tired of things, feeling excited about some other things..

and all of them, feelings, very intensely..

:)

Today...

have yo ever felt like killing someone?
Today i do .. I'm angry...
Wrath is but one of the seven deadly sins..

Vagamon

Went to Vagamon with family for a couple of days.. an outing..

was a nice trip..

The high ranges here in Kerala are wonderful to travel ( if you're not prone to travelling sickness).. Also, one needs to have a good control on 'nature calls' especially if one's a girl.. there are no clean toilets to relieve oneself..

It gets slightly cold up there at this time of the year.. not like really cold but reasonably.. The fog's the best part.. feels nice :)

As you travel up, the path is full of hairpin curves (gave me a headache uphill).. and you feel like your ear gets plugged with something...

Thats' about it :)

The weekend

Nitya sat counting the visiting cards she'd found in her father's old visiting card holder. She read the names and observed the logos on the cards.. She wondered how people came up with logos.. Did they take long time figuring them out? How difficult would it be? Every design had to convey the values a company stood for.. 

She suddenly came across a card that read T. William, CEO of some software company, before she could scan the logo her mind drifted to a book she'd half read by William Dalrymple. She'd started liking the book, but had gotten stuck on a page halfway through and hadn't gotten the time and the mind together to pick it up again.. Since it was a thought already now,she thought of giving up her laziness and picking up the book again... 

She stood up from the floor, next to the old cupboard, the door of which made a creaking sound as she closed it. Walking to her study table, her glance fell on the dust that had accumulated on the globe kept on the side table. She couldn't remember the last time she'd turned the globe to check anything at all. From an object of high importance in geography classes back in school, the globe had of late become an unused show piece.. a dust collector..

She opened her book where she had left the recycled-paper bookmark... A soft sweet smell came from the pages, she loved the way books smelt... She sat down on her bed with the pillow on her lap, leaning back on the wall that the bed lay against. 

An hour later, completely immersed in the book, Nitya hadn't heard the doorbell ring... for the third time.

(to be continued)

Random Thoughts

1. Sometimes all you need to feel better, is a cup of coffee.

2. Small fishes kissed my feet when I put them into the pond

3. Cleaning the whole house is a good way of spending time productively, reduces frustration too..

4. Washing dishes helps you keep your nails clean.

5. Sometimes you're prejudiced about some people.. If you try spending time with them you might feel about them differently.

6. A whole day without internet is not as bad at I thought it was..

7. Crystal glasses look good in showcases (only if they're regularly cleaned)..

8. Safety Pins are a wonderful invention >> I searched wikipedia to know more
 (The origin of the safety pin dates back to the Mycenaeans during the 14th century BC (Late Mycenaean III era). They are known as fibulae (singular fibula) and were used in the same manner as modern day safety pins. In fact, the very first fibulae of the 14th and 13th centuries B.C. looked remarkably like the safety pin. The origin of the fibulae is detailed in Chr. Blinkenberg's 1926 book Fibules grecques et orientales.

The safety pin was reinvented by American inventor Walter Hunt, and patented in April, 1849. The rights to the invention were sold for $400.)

9. The peachish-colored fruit on top of a cashew nut tastes very funny. 

10. You should be careful while sweeping staircases..  There are high chances of slipping and breaking bones.

Dear Diary..

Psalms 55 Verse 6-

"And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest."

Got this verse, today while reading the Bible ..

Its everything I've been thinking..

No more to say .. or write...

I feel undone

I'm walking towards oblivion..
Fog and mist surrounds..
Helplessness and numbness..
both know, no bounds...
Things seem unreal..
not like in a pleasant dream..
but a nightmare, unraveling..
I try hard to scream..
But all in vain, I struggle..
I can't wake up so, i try...
And un-awake still in my dream...
I hear a distant cry...

Dear Diary..

Been busy this Holy Week with Church going and Choir practices..

Couldn't spare time to log in and write..

Easter's a nice feeling... Even chester looks happier than usual..

My assignments are all pending though.. I don't even know what to write..

And the radio interview still has a missing bit that i doubt I'll ever get. 

We bought two new Goldfishes for our little fish pond.. So, now there are a lot of tiny fishes, two big white fishes (the names of which i don't know) and two goldfishes(which looked mighty scared for the first day and now are ruling the little pond)

There's a miniature waterfall sort of a thing too in the middle, when the tiny fishes feel adventurous, they go and try to explore around it...

So, Happy Easter anyway :)

Evangeline

I wait..

Life isn't a bed of roses
What man proposes,
God disposes...

You constantly try to achieve..
But fail to have faith,
or believe...

Trying to hide or escape..
Is like making
a foolish mistake..

For destiny is already written...
To face which,
One must be strong within..

But I know I am but weak..
With a shivering frame and
trembling knees...

I wait to face what does await..
An unknown future..
unseen fate..

-Evangeline

Silhouette..

It was almost 7 in the evening and Karen sat on the side of the window looking towards the busy street with slow moving traffic... It was drizzling slightly and the city looked damp and dreary. 

She'd been back from office early today and had placed herself at the same spot for about an hour and a half now..She'd been sitting there in her favorite grey t-shirt and a packet of cigarettes almost halfway through.. Her face showed no particular expression, it looked almost blank. Her curly hair looked unkempt and her eyes looked sad..

Her motionlessness, though, made her look feeling-less in a very tired sort of a way...

Karen's house was on the 8th floor, a three room apartment, barely furnished. She stayed here with her golden Labrador whom she called Spot. Karen had very few friends, mostly from work, but they were never with her beyond office hours. She did hang out with Aaron, but that had been only till last  night. 

She had no clue why he'd left all of a sudden, he'd blamed her of lying to him... she didn't remember doing so.. She'd made quite sure infact, that she never hid things from him.. she was sure he knew her, way too well .. she just couldn't figure out. She had tried calling him again and again and again... he answered once to tell her it was "over".

She felt helpless... But then she knew there was no use trying.. he did not appear interested in getting back together.. she pretended she enjoyed being alone.. the truth was that she felt lonely... her own mistakes were the cause she believed always but for this once...she had just no idea!

Spot lay at her feet .. She hadn't switched on the lights yet... the bright lights from the street lamps made only her silhouette visible from within the apartment..

She did wish he'd return..

She missed him, but then.. Que Sera Sera.

Old devout lady..

I remember her face..
Wrinkled ...old..
but this certain calmness...
seems to hold..
her frail frame..
and shivering hands..
and unsteady feet,
while she stands...
her lips moved..
ceaseless in prayer..
Her silverish hair..
reflected sunlight..
her face ..so pure..
and skin so white..
and about her was 
this divine glow..
and music around her..
soft and slow..

The cute dog :)

Here 's the pomeranian I was talking about...
cute cute cute!!!
fell in love with it..
Just loved its tail.. wags it so cutely!
The call it mickey :)