Loving Nobody...

You love some people .. once upon a time..

trust them.. think they're good.. change yourselves for them.. be like the way they want you to be or they'd like you to be... you're sure it 'll keep those people close to you...

You do everything to convince them that you value them..

but then one day you make a mistake.. or you don't actually make a mistake but they think you do..

They don't wait to hear your explanation...

They don't want to know why you did whatever you did.. or if you did or did not actually do it..

The shatter everything you'd built.. it all comes crumbling right on top of where you're standing.. crushing you...

And everything you ever did comes back at you like a slap right in your face..

And then you start hating yourself.. for changing from what you were into something you're not.. for someone else.. for doing things which you never wanted to just because they thought it was right..

For being someone you know is fake and so not you.. and you hate this new you..

you hate what you've become..

And then since they've left.. you sit back weep for sometime but stand back on your feet again.. and tell yourself you're going to change back into what you were...

you try and try to return.. but those people are still in your head.. why don't they just leave!!? you ask yourself.. you keep on trying.. and somewhere when you find yourself succeeding you realize a lot of time has passed .. your old self is too old.. so you give up all of it and try and figure out what the present is like.. you try and adapt.. you feel lost often.. but admist all you miss the old you.. hate the last you.. are puzzled about the latest you and clueless about the future you..

You start becoming indifferent.. to people around you.. you hate some people.. you like very few.. the rest don't really bother you...

You start liking books, arts, nature perhaps..and anything that you can enjoy in loneliness.. without opinionated opinions from others...

you go wrong.. but you correct yourself.. and when others try to correct you, you try to figure them out... wonder why they're bothered... you like making your own mistakes and learning from them...

after all you've already made so many mistakes.. a few more won't do much harm..and even if they do.. you can always blame it on fate.. 

and so you're indifferent now... you don't care..

you don't mind being weird.. because what people think doesn't matter... you feel insane sometimes.. in a very nice way...

and then one day.. inside your head.. you ask yourself.. if you still miss those people whom you loved.. once upon a time.. and something in your heart pinches.. feels heavy.. and you deny.. no you don't miss them.. you hate them.. very very much... and your eyes are tearless.. your face wears a smile.. and you love Nobody.. :)