Contemplation

I wish no one was here

Sometimes, I like being alone...

Left to be with myself,

to look into my own soul

To weigh my actions and thoughts

To count my own mistakes

To sing to myself a song that calms

my heart down when it aches...

To have a few moments of silence

or unaccompanied stroll..

To comfort and to strengthen

My weak and weary soul...

Some time to give to Him,

Whom I've known to be God

Since childhood, in times of need

The name I've called upon...

Some time away from my world

when in a confused state...

I need some time in solitude

to stop and contemplate...

Id, Ego and Superego

Id seeks pleasure, Ego causes us to reason and judge a situation with consideration to the consequences of our actions.. Superego is where a particular action is decided to be good or bad, that part of 'personality' that is inherited from parents and affected by society.

Now why did I write this just now? Apart from the fact that i understood this very recently, I've been trying to figure out these three working while I respond to a certain thing.
Id is usually like this strong fellow who wants so many bad things, like a bully .. It is this Id that comes to conflict against the good fellows, Ego and superego...

>>>(I'll write more later, I'm sitting in the press club library and this system doesn't have any formatting buttons... pfff... kills the mood to write..!)

Love the way you lie

I liked this song a lot.... I've been listening to this on repeat..
I love this place where he says "that's why they call it window pane"
and "next time there will be no next time"

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie...

inside my head

"I wish he'd die! " I said inside my head, as I sat with my face buried in my hands...

No matter how much I tried I couldn't stop myself from hating him. He was beyond all sympathy or consideration... let alone the love he thought i should still have for him.

writing again

And things are changing fast.. With a few more days to go..

I'm nervous, I'm worried about the practicals i have to submit at the institute...

A certain someone's making my life hell with repeated messages and calls..

I wonder if this blog will still be evaluated.. I miss writing in here.. but i don't feel like writing a lot anymore anyway..

Imho.. its a very sad thing that one cannot change the blog name without losing one's followers :( snif sniff !!

I feel like writing a letter to someone ... like a handwritten letter- snail mail...

Ichayan's gone out for a movie, he wont be back till late. 

Im not sleepy :(

Mom and dad were mad at each other today over something very silly. Sometimes they act like stubborn kids..!

Ingenuity of forwarded sms

I got this as a forwarded message on my phone today. I forwarded it to a few people and then something in my head made me google it up.. this story has various versions.. Palestinian  and Israeli more commonly...

Here's the message.. (And links to the other stories at the end)

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought,

What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.

'And they say Kashmir belongs to them"

http://lwtc247.wordpress.com/2009/02/16/an-ingenious-example-of-speech-and-politics/

http://lifeisreallybeautiful.com/wisdom-nuggets/ingenuity-of-speech/ 

Wafers...

Do you like wafers?

I love them... wafer chocolates, wafer buscuits... 

And i like eating it layer by layer... so unaffected particularly by people watching me, I indulge in careful separation of these wafer layers...

also not very bothered about the chocolate all over my fingers if they're wafer chocolates.. 

I've been weirder.. I don't mind licking the chocolate off the wrapper if it melts... :D without caring who's watching :D

Wanting to die.....

I was searching for "Best ways to (something) .." on Google just now and scrolled down through the result, is when i came across this link > http://www.mouchette.org/suicide/answers.php3

You should read through, its just a sad sad thing how a 13 year old child is asking ways to kill him/herself on a forum and people around the world are acting smart and telling him/her ways to do so. Except for the top most reply by this lady named nicki posted on 2nd June 2010... A mother of three children, i think  only she gave a good reply to the question...

I miss my Sis...

Neha, you're one of my fav. people in the whole wide world no matter how crazy n stupid n irritating u are sometimes.

And when you're away, it's like a part of me is away, but then when you come back home you're crazy n irritating again..

I love you so so so much, and i miss having you here, there's so much i have to tell you, i miss my best friend which you always have been.

After a few days..

Hmph! Yea i couldn't write for a few days... why? just didn't feel like it. Yes i had things i wanted to write about but couldn't get myself to login and write.

I've figured

I have changed, I feel so.

The last one year has caused me to change... In good ways and in bad ways, but I'm hoping its all for the good by the end of everything. But one among a few things I'm not enjoying about myself anymore is the fact that I'm finding it hard to trust anyone at all. I'm almost being indifferent to everything and everyone..

No I'm not judgmental or even prejudiced... i just have no opinion anymore of a lot of people. In fact I'm finding it hard to come to conclusions about anyone. I figured its wrong to presume oneself to be good at figuring out other people. That isn't true... I don't think anyone can figure out anyone.. Human reactions are subject to circumstances and emotions and opinions. No one factor works alone, and it's highly dangerous and just as ridiculous to just presume that certain people will react in a certain way.

I think its ok to hate a person... I don't want to go biblical about it and look at the seven-deadly-sin-side of "hatred", but I'm of the opinion that hatred against a certain person should be purely based on the way he or she has behaved with you. not based on other people's experience or judgment of him or her. That's kinda unfair. Afterall, i won't behave to people I like in the same way as the people i dislike...?!

That's all i guess... This is something I can keep going on and on about but i don't feel like sitting here and typing it down. I'm wishing i could talk to someone instead, about his and get it all out of me. Or i had someone who could type it in here for me. 

I hate my laziness sometimes, it strikes at the wrong time.

Eva

Indifference

I sat searching for a few quotes in the morning... This one caught my thought and kept me thinking for long... 

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. 

J. K. Rowling

Leading to a search on "indifference quotes"

and thus another quote that caught my attention..

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. 

Elie Wiesel 

And indeed these two lines, I think are true... 

The lost lighter..

I frantically searched my table drawers... I remember keeping it there!

Mom didn't know it was a lighter.. i mean i think she didn't. She thought it was just a cute key chain shaped like a guitar out of my love for them, guitars and key-chains...

I hadn't looked for it in a long time.. thought it would be somewhere around, pushed under a pile of papers and loads of books on and around my table. I even searched the pocket on the case of my guitar. Which had been often a wonderful place to hide small stuff. Somehow no one ever checked their. But then this lighter was not to be hidden... everyone knew it was existed.. even if not as a lighter in identity.

My search was after and due to this new packet that my best friend got me... and i was eager to try it out... I'd heart a lot about it. Matchstick wasn't class enough sometimes. this was one of those times.

The search ended in me sitting on the floor ... with just the packet and no lighter.

I lay down on the floor.. it was cold in a very nice way. I like sleeping on the floor sometimes. Thinking back to things that happened today and stuff... I never came to know when i fell asleep. 

Now that wasn't a good thing, I had an assignment for Radio Class to be completed..! An hour later I woke up to the sound of raindrops falling against my window...

Hid the packets where i always hide them...

And ran downstairs to do my work.

The Radio Drama is yet to be done. Its 12:01 am ..

And the lighter is missing still...

A woman of No Importance

I feel weird..

there's a lot to write... but words don't come to me...

A lot to say...

I wish i hadn't gone back to check if there was anything..

It makes me want to curse..

and then there's a lot more to think...

How can one sound so indifferent...?

And the other so casual...?

And the third like nothing ever happened...?

And the fourth... well.. talks about dying.

I'm hungry.. but i don't feel like eating...

I'm drinking ... but i'm not thirsty... no not wine... plain water....

I'm watching but my eyes hurt...

I'm thinking but my head feels heavy... and so does my heart...

No im not sad... I'm just feeling weird...

and of course

un-important.

Today...

Fever :(

I hate fever...and i hate medicines....and i hate cough and cold...

However, I notice... my mom is sweeter to me when I've got fever. And i have to do lesser work...

Too bad I'm not patient enough to sit here and continue typing for a long time..  My nose isn't being very kind to me...

I came to send in the weekly report for class, but i did not do that and ended up writing this post instead..

I have to remember to do that tomorrow >yawns<

I'm out now!
Grin!

Random Thought...

Sometimes you just become a puppet in the hands of people...
No more to write..

On El Sari Rojo issue

Ridiculous! I thought when Headlines Today chose to take up the issue regarding this book titled 'El Sari Rojo' (The Red Sari), by Javier Moro... claimed to be based on the real life of Sonia Gandhi. 


While Headlines Today almost announced that Congress is intolerant towards Freedom of Expression, they forgot that this freedom does not entitle one to defame a person, especially someone of such huge political importance. A political citizen of the country.


Moreover, what's the big deal... I mean ok, so Moro thinks Sonia Ji had doubts when her mother asked her to return to Italy after her husbands death, she responded with a doubtful "I don't know"... So what? Its not easy to not be emotionally shattered in such situations as the death of one's husband... Any woman in her place would want to leave a place where she has no immediate relatives..


Hmm... Anyway, this strong and beautiful woman will definitely get her way through this..
But this does make me want to read that book... :D


Also, Suggested Reading(Not related to this post): Ayodhya 6 December 1992 - P.V Narsimha Rao

political space....

Its surprising to see how places like tea shops effectively function as "political spaces"... How?

I figured this out during my last few longer visits to the tea shop next to my institute. Here, I see, people... simple people, discussing day-to-day issues... 

People of different ages, from different stratas of society discussing a lot of things, forming opinions, debating, spreading and sharing information... all over a cup of tea.

drunk-en-ness

Being drunk is a good feeling.. not like dead drunk.. a very high "high"..

I don't know how to explain..  Its this feeling where nothing matters.. you dn't care about anything.. your fingers feel numb.. you smile at everything and everyone... all music sounds good(except Himmesh Reshamiya)...

Now Playing : Don't you cry - GNR
This is one of my fav. songs..
here's a part of the lyrics;

And please remember that I never lied

And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight..

There's a heaven above you baby

 ;)

Today...

Fuck! I said to myself... as the clothes fell from my cupboard.
last night I'd been looking for the old packet I'd hidden in the pocket of an old pair of jeans. This was done so my mom wouldn't find them during her occasional searches in my cupboard.
In my hurry ... i stuffed everything back in.. and left it like that.

I had arranged my cupboard just a few weeks back after a round of de-insect-ificaton of my room... all in vain.. re-arranging looked like a tiresome idea...
Moreover, I've been so busy(though not particularly with any one thing that i can point out..)
And so lost at times that i don't have work... I've borrowed a book from the library but I've been sitting on it for ages... obviously amounting to some fine.. and i have to remember to return it tomorrow...

So, back to the cupboard... since not re-arranging wasn't a choice... i sat and started folding every cloth again... which is when, out of the pocket of my favourite fabindia purple colored kurta came out a 50 rupee note :) Happiness!!!